mummy loves ...

Welcome to the May 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Self Love This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about their thoughts concerning self-love. We hope you enjoy this month's posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Babywearing. 

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There could have been no more appropriate topic for my return to blogging than this month’s carnival theme ~ self-love.

If you saw my last post (and no, I can’t believe it’s been quite that long since I posted) you’ll know that times were difficult.  Often, things still are difficult. But I think – tentatively – that we might be heading towards easier days. (Of course, now I am cursing myself for that ill-advised public declaration, because we all know how the law of positive parenting statements goes: ‘yeah, s/he’s sleeping great these days’ = no more sleep again. Ever.)

Truth be told, I ‘lost’ myself for a long time. I struggled to juggle two children, each at different stages of dependency, with bringing in a freelance income (a necessity, rather than a personal preference) while trying to remain a connected and constant presence for my family. I’m not too proud to admit that recently, I have failed at this. I’ve not being doing my career justice, and I’ve not been doing my family justice.  My temper has been worryingly short, my recourse to yelling frighteningly frequent. Between deadlines, co-sleeping, tandem feeding, etc, there was no part of my day, my mind, my body that was my own. I was burning out, personally and professionally.    

And then, a week or two ago, a switch flicked. Something shifted in me.

• I started writing again, for pleasure rather than profit.
• I made new career plans.
• I started running again (the addition of two children, three stone and five years since my last run have made this a far from easy undertaking.)   
• I started making plans to meet people. In the evening. Sans children.  

And, I started to gently remind my girls that mummy has the right to finish her meal, to put her boobs back in her top for at least ten minutes per day, to sleep. To do things for herself, sometimes. [Actual conversation with oldest child: 'Sometimes you have to let mummy finish what she's doing. Mummy is a person too.' 'No you're not. You're an alligator.']

It took a while to get here, from being subsumed by motherhood. And it’s partly an age thing ~ I have a *cough* milestone birthday coming up, Zen Toddler is (for a few more precious months, only) Zen Pre-schooler, with Zen Baby now filling the Toddler role. I feel like I need to start ticking a few more things off my list of dreams and goals, and now that they are no longer babies {sob}  their needs are not quite so immediate. But also, hearing them parrot back the things I say and watching them mirror my actions, I’ve become very conscious of the behaviour I model. I don’t attach value judgements to food. I make them aware that mummy has another job, as well as ‘being mummy’. I make sure that they know that women are strong, that wearing lipstick doesn’t make you prettier, that princesses can rescue themselves.

And now, by giving myself a little bit back, by re-filling the well, by giving myself a bit of space to do the things I used to love to do pre-children, I’m letting them know that mummies are people too. That mummy loves them very very much, but that mummy loves mummy too. Hopefully, from this, they will learn to truly love themselves.

Visit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month's Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, when we discuss babywearing!   Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: (This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 1 with all the carnival links.)

• Mothering Myself- Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how her children have been a catalyst for treating herself better.
• The Habit of Intentional Rest - Jennifer Hoffman, of Every Breath I Take, shares how she "puts her own oxygen mask on first" with her habit of intentional rest.
• Replenishing by Connecting - Gwynn Raimondi found the way to self care through connection to those who matter most: herself, her husband, her daughter.
• Overcoming Body Image For The Sake Of Our Children - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama takes a hard look at how her own body image can positively or negatively affect her daughter and why that scares her more than anything!
• I Resented my Pregnant Body - Mercedes at Project Procrastinot blogs about body image and the pettiness she felt when she couldn't accept the physical changes of pregnancy.
• Staying Sane & Taking Care of Myself - Jana Falls at Jananas discusses how she, as an introvert mama, has made time to take care of herself.
• Depression and Self-Image - At Authentic Parenting, Laura confesses how much her recent depression has distorted her self-image and how she struggles to overcome this.
• mummy loves ... - Helen at Zen Mummy shares a post about re-finding the person behind the mummy.
• Can my inner critics stop me from participating in a self-love blog carnival?- Tat from Mum in search almost didn't get to write for this carnival. Until she stopped to ask herself why she was pulling out.
• Self-Love, A Formula and Pictogram With Ramblings - Susan May of Together Walking gives her formula for Self Love and some of the ramblings from her mind on what Self Love means. Her journey of Self Love began about a year ago when she first heard the "official" term, Self Love.

Once upon a time, there was a princess with a career plan ...

Welcome to March edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month’s topic is “Discovering Through Books”. Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy! 

 “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

― Albert Einstein 

Some of my best friends are books. This isn’t a joke. Books are – and have been for as long as I can remember – an enormous part of my life. My intense love of books is the reason why I am now a writer and editor. 

I lived inside books, as a child. I diligently tapped the back of wardrobes, I kept a look out for white rabbits, and I fervently wished for an underground twin sister who would take me horse-riding. 

As you can maybe tell from the above, I had a particular penchant for ‘other world’ books, those stories where the central character finds a crack in reality – a rabbit hole, a secret doorway, even just a change of perspective – which allowed them to slip into an alternate reality. I did everything in my power to find my own way into another world. I’m still looking now. 

 Zen toddler has inherited zen mummy’s love of books, and she’s just at the stage where she’s beginning to understand narrative processes. She wants to hear stories continually: ‘tell me the story of Shrek, tell me the story of the three little pigs, tell me the story of my new shoes, tell me the story of when I went to Grandma’s house, tell me the story of when I was in your tummy’. And re-enacting. Lots of re-enacting. I want her to have that same magical relationship with books. I want to give her the key to a secret door. I want to help her find her to navigate the many parallel worlds she might be lucky enough to find her way to. 

And at the same time I’m developing an increasing awareness about the stories I tell her and the books we read. Fairy tales feel like the essential background to a rich imagination, but however you spin it, Cinderella is the quintessential passive princess-in-waiting. Domestic goddes she may be, but Snow White is hardly aspirational. And Sleeping Beauty? Was ever an individual less proactive? So many classic children’s tales are deeply mired in disappointingly predictable gender roles: mummies make the tea while daddies go out to work. So I find myself scanning the library shelves for books that try to break those stereotypes down, even just a little. There’s no such thing as a banned book in our house, but I aim for a better balance: fairies and princesses are allowed, but we complement them with cow-girls and tractors. 

Am I worrying too much? Will too many fairy tales turn my girls into passive, prince-hunting gold-diggers? To what extent do the stories we hear – and the stories that embroider the fabric of our society – shape our sense of who we are and what we might do? Right now, I don’t have the answers. But I’m hoping that with humour, and a little bit of gentle discussion, I can make sure that my girls don’t see ‘princess-in-waiting’ as a career goal. Cinderella is a story, after all, not a manifesto. 

PS: I’m also on the lookout for books that espouse the principles of natural parenting. Aside from the odd instance of baby-wearing or breastfeeding, I haven’t come across many. Any recommendations?

Visit The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Books and Play — MudpieMama at The Positive Parenting Connection is sharing a fun play based activity that enhances reading comprehension, vocabulary and attention.
• Using Literature to Talk with Your Child About Money — Pam from The MoneyTrail Blog shares her 12 favorite stories to initiate conversations about money with your child.
• Reconnecting Through Reading — Reading aloud with our children has its many rewards, from increased vocabulary and reading skills to creative thinking and problem solving skills. At Living Peacefully with Children, reading is also a time to reconnect at the end of the day.
• It’s a Book Party — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares a fun way she encourages reading at her house.
• The Importance of Storytelling — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses the importance of storytelling as well as how to select a book worthy of reading with your young child.
• I Love Books! And I Hope My Daughter Does, Too. — Becky at Old New Legacy shares ideas and experiences in her attempt to raise a bookworm.
• The Wonderful World of Children's Books — Carrie @ LoveNotesMama shares her enthusiasm and adoration for the joys and gifts that children's books bring.
• Books, Have They Become Obsolete?  — Laura at Authentic Parenting investigates wether there's still room for books in this modern world of internet and digital readers.
• Books and Unschooling a Preschooler  — Lauren at Hobo Mama follows her four-year-old's lead through mummies, digestion, and whale sharks.
• Beyond Reading: How Books Help Us Live and Learn  — Sheila of A Living Family describes how, more than helping her children learn to read, books help her family live and learn together.
• Once Upon a Time, There Was a Princess With a Career Plan...  — Helen @ zen mummy wonders how - and if - the tales our children hear influence their future

Keep them close and let them go: fostering healthy attachment as they grow

Welcome to the February edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month, participants have looked into the topic of “Fostering Healthy Attachment”. Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy!

Zen toddler is potty learning right now. It’s going pretty well, occasional mishap notwithstanding (‘Mummy, I did an accident!’, announced with delighted glee).

One day, I popped to the kitchen to make toast one day. When I came back she had pulled her pants down, sat on the potty, and done a wee. I was so proud I had a tear in my eye. I was proud. And a little bit sad.  Where did my ever-so little first-born go? This is the start of the letting go. And while I am more proud of her than I could ever have imagined possible, there’s a little pang.

Zen toddler and me, we’re closely attached. In the whole of her first year, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I was away from her for more than an hour. We did (and still do) co-sleep, we did (and still do) breastfeed. We share baths, we eat all of our meals together, and, barring around 12 hours of Montessori childcare a week, we’re together all of the time (with zen baby now boosting our ranks).  But I’m beginning to wonder what happens as she gets older, becomes more independent?

Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to hold her back, keep her tethered with the proverbial apron strings. Every forward leap she takes leaves me awestruck. Sometimes, I can’t believe that this hilarious little person ricocheting around the house like a stung wasp is the same little bundle of red-faced potential that I pushed into the world less than three years ago. But there’s going to come an age when she can dress herself, when she sleeps in her own bed all night because snuggling in between your parents is just lame. One day, she might even self-wean (not banking on that one happening anytime soon ;-/). How do we stay closely attached when we’re not together all day long, when I’m not the major influence in her life, when she doesn’t need me to do quite so much for her anymore?      

Truthfully, I don’t have the answers. This is the first time I’ve done any of this. In this, as in so many areas, zen baby will have the advantage of not being the test-case. But this time, first-time round, I don’t know what I’m doing. So far I’ve parented entirely on instinct, but I have no instinctive inclinations for this.

So, how do you keep them close while letting them go? Share your stories, experiences, and tips, because I could really use some ideas.  

Visit Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• "Keep Them Close and Let Them Go: Fostering Healthy Attachment As They Grow" — Helen at Zen Mummy wonders how to maintain a healthy attachment as our children become more independent.
• "Honesty (With Your Children) is the Best Policy" — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children shares how honesty with her children is helping to build an authentic relationship which will last through the teen years and beyond.
• "Fostering Healthy Attachment?" — Momma Jorje discusses how she is building a foundation of attachment with her children and how she hopes it serves them in their lives as they grow into adults.
• Beyond Bookend Parenting — Marisa at Deliberate Parenting describes their efforts to maintain their toddler's attachment to her working parent through play and routines throughout the day.
• Have You "Huggled" Today? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how "huggles" work like magic in her home.
• Your Childhood=Your Child's Childhood? — Amy at A Secure Base examines the research about how our attachment experience can shape our attachment with our children.
• List-Making Activities to Celebrate Family Connections — Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares some family list-making activities that will help you reflect on what you love about your family and can spark ideas for future family fun.

• How To Keep in Touch With Distant Grandparents — Lauren at Hobo Mama offers several tips to foster connection with relatives who live far away.
• Beyond Bonding: The Power of Positioning in Babywearing — Steffany, a babywearing educator, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, explains how optimal positioning in quality carriers can help babies' physical growth, brain development, and overall attachment.
• Playing Follow the Leader — Zoie at TouchstoneZ has learned that the more she meets her children where they are rather than where she would like them to be, the greater the elasticity of their bonds are.
• The Evolution of Attachment: Parenting Without a Roadmap — Sheila at A Living Family reflects on her family's recent generation of mothers and shares how she is working to make an evolutionary leap towards forming healthy attachment.
• Facilitating Sibling Connection — Laura at Authentic Parenting gives a set of pointers on how to facilitate sibling bonding.
• The Farm in my Bed — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses fostering children's healthy attachment to "lovies" and comfort objects..
• My Early Morning Shadow Valerie at Momma in Progress shares a few ways she maintains a strong connection with her almost six-year-old daughter.

Yet another resolutions post ....

Welcome to the first edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama!

In the month of January, we start afresh, a new year, new ideas. Hence, our participants have looked into the topic of “Birth and New Beginnings”. Take a look at the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants.

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Welcome to my first post for the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival.

January is the month where we start afresh, take the plunge again and leave the old. What are your new year's resolutions?

Well, you might be forgiven for thinking one of my resolutions is, mostly, to do stuff (such as making resolutions) weeks after everyone else. This is probably a little bit true (I've got two kids and my time-management skills are variable), and even though I’ve been reading Leo Babauta’s Effortless Life and blog-posts on goal-free living, I still can’t help but compile a mental list of all the things I am going to do, improve, achieve, perfect and complete in 2012.


There's not too much. It's certainly not overwhelming. Eminently 'do-able', I'd say (except I won't ever say 'do-able' because it's a silly word). 


In no particular order: lose the last 20 (ok, 30) lbs of stubborn baby weight, do yoga and pilates every day, save lots of money and live well within my means, eat well, go to bed early every night, read all of the unread books on my book shelves and on my Kindle, maybe write a few more myself too, write more articles, develop a children's book series, declutter the house, live more sustainably, be kind to everyone all of the time, be better at keeping in touch with friends, finish all of the tasks in my sewing pile, start up two or three new businesses based around ideas I've been toying with, walk everywhere instead of taking the car, never let the kids eat too many sweets, switch off the tv more often, meditate regularly, and be a beatifically calm paragon of zen parenting at all times and under all circumstances.


Easy, no?


Ok, I probably won't manage to tick every single one of those off my mental checklist (I'll probably have to use the car sometimes), so, in the interests of manageability, I'm narrowing it down to these:

• Complete and publish a children's book 
• Be nice 

'Be nice' may only be two little words, but it is by far the bigger undertaking. It encompasses every aspect of my mindful intentions, and for someone with a short fuse (me!) it isn't going to be easy.  But that's kind of the whole reason I started this blog.

Happy New Year, everyone



Visit Authentic Parenting and MudpieMama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 27 with all the carnival links.)

• Becoming Intentional with My Time Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the beginning of her year-long journey toward more intentional living. 
• Alirik’s Birth Story: Sweet Surprise Lauren at Hobo Mama tells the sweet surprise unassisted home water birth story of her second child.
• My Rebirth: An Honest Look Darcel at The Mahogany Way talks a little about some of the fear and insecurity she's felt over the years since starting her parenting journey and her blog.
• Trusting My Body: Ailia’s Birth Story After a very challenging birth with her son, Dionna at Code Name: Mama was nervous about having another natural birth. But practicing relaxation techniques and birth affirmations proved to be just what she needed to have her perfect, peaceful, unassisted homebirth.
• My Homeschool Philosophy Paige a Bay Dust Diaries shares her new year's resulution about homeschooling. 
• Yet Another Resolutions Post... Zen mummy's resolutions for a better 2012
• Renewing Green Passions in the New Year Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about renewing a passion for green living in the new year
• Birthing and New Beginnings... And Better Mothering Sheila at A Living Family shares her first ever New Year's resolutions to be a more mindful, compassionate and respectful mother to her two-year old daughter after the recent birth of her son.
• An Open Letter to MTV Regarding 16 and Pregnant Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama delivers a pointed message to MTV about how they misrepresent birth and parenthood on 16 and Pregnant.
• Setting Intentions Megan at The Other Baby Blog shares another way to ring in the New Year.
• Spencer's Birth Story Momma Jorje shares her family's story of birthing her son with Down syndrome.
• Looking Forward, Looking Back Erica @ ChildOrganics shares how she is able to look back at the loss of their daughter and yet move forward with her family at the same time. 
• Unique unto Itself. Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings has chosen a word for her second child's birth: awareness.
• The Unassisted Birth of The LIttle Buddha. Laura at Authentic Parenting shares the birth story of her new baby
• Birthing and Resolutions: Keeping Good Things in Motion. MudpieMama shares her VBAC story and why she skipped making resolutions in the traditional way. 
• The Birth of a New Era by Mandy from Living Peacefully With Children