mummy loves ...

Welcome to the May 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Self Love This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about their thoughts concerning self-love. We hope you enjoy this month's posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Babywearing. 

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There could have been no more appropriate topic for my return to blogging than this month’s carnival theme ~ self-love.

If you saw my last post (and no, I can’t believe it’s been quite that long since I posted) you’ll know that times were difficult.  Often, things still are difficult. But I think – tentatively – that we might be heading towards easier days. (Of course, now I am cursing myself for that ill-advised public declaration, because we all know how the law of positive parenting statements goes: ‘yeah, s/he’s sleeping great these days’ = no more sleep again. Ever.)

Truth be told, I ‘lost’ myself for a long time. I struggled to juggle two children, each at different stages of dependency, with bringing in a freelance income (a necessity, rather than a personal preference) while trying to remain a connected and constant presence for my family. I’m not too proud to admit that recently, I have failed at this. I’ve not being doing my career justice, and I’ve not been doing my family justice.  My temper has been worryingly short, my recourse to yelling frighteningly frequent. Between deadlines, co-sleeping, tandem feeding, etc, there was no part of my day, my mind, my body that was my own. I was burning out, personally and professionally.    

And then, a week or two ago, a switch flicked. Something shifted in me.

• I started writing again, for pleasure rather than profit.
• I made new career plans.
• I started running again (the addition of two children, three stone and five years since my last run have made this a far from easy undertaking.)   
• I started making plans to meet people. In the evening. Sans children.  

And, I started to gently remind my girls that mummy has the right to finish her meal, to put her boobs back in her top for at least ten minutes per day, to sleep. To do things for herself, sometimes. [Actual conversation with oldest child: 'Sometimes you have to let mummy finish what she's doing. Mummy is a person too.' 'No you're not. You're an alligator.']

It took a while to get here, from being subsumed by motherhood. And it’s partly an age thing ~ I have a *cough* milestone birthday coming up, Zen Toddler is (for a few more precious months, only) Zen Pre-schooler, with Zen Baby now filling the Toddler role. I feel like I need to start ticking a few more things off my list of dreams and goals, and now that they are no longer babies {sob}  their needs are not quite so immediate. But also, hearing them parrot back the things I say and watching them mirror my actions, I’ve become very conscious of the behaviour I model. I don’t attach value judgements to food. I make them aware that mummy has another job, as well as ‘being mummy’. I make sure that they know that women are strong, that wearing lipstick doesn’t make you prettier, that princesses can rescue themselves.

And now, by giving myself a little bit back, by re-filling the well, by giving myself a bit of space to do the things I used to love to do pre-children, I’m letting them know that mummies are people too. That mummy loves them very very much, but that mummy loves mummy too. Hopefully, from this, they will learn to truly love themselves.

Visit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month's Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, when we discuss babywearing!   Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: (This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 1 with all the carnival links.)

• Mothering Myself- Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how her children have been a catalyst for treating herself better.
• The Habit of Intentional Rest - Jennifer Hoffman, of Every Breath I Take, shares how she "puts her own oxygen mask on first" with her habit of intentional rest.
• Replenishing by Connecting - Gwynn Raimondi found the way to self care through connection to those who matter most: herself, her husband, her daughter.
• Overcoming Body Image For The Sake Of Our Children - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama takes a hard look at how her own body image can positively or negatively affect her daughter and why that scares her more than anything!
• I Resented my Pregnant Body - Mercedes at Project Procrastinot blogs about body image and the pettiness she felt when she couldn't accept the physical changes of pregnancy.
• Staying Sane & Taking Care of Myself - Jana Falls at Jananas discusses how she, as an introvert mama, has made time to take care of herself.
• Depression and Self-Image - At Authentic Parenting, Laura confesses how much her recent depression has distorted her self-image and how she struggles to overcome this.
• mummy loves ... - Helen at Zen Mummy shares a post about re-finding the person behind the mummy.
• Can my inner critics stop me from participating in a self-love blog carnival?- Tat from Mum in search almost didn't get to write for this carnival. Until she stopped to ask herself why she was pulling out.
• Self-Love, A Formula and Pictogram With Ramblings - Susan May of Together Walking gives her formula for Self Love and some of the ramblings from her mind on what Self Love means. Her journey of Self Love began about a year ago when she first heard the "official" term, Self Love.